Dear Hipster Next Door,
Hello, and welcome to the neighborhood.
I was going to bake some cookies and go next door to greet you formally, but it appears nothing I'm wearing is organic. If we're going to be literal, the shirt on my back is 100% cotton--therefore, technically, organic--but I'm pretty sure it was manufactured in a warehouse with a bunch of other like shirts...and so I'm assuming that dethrones it's "organicism".
It's okay, I'm just going to write this letter to you in hopes that we can be friends. I'm kind of scared you won't like me, though. I occasionally listen to Greenday, and I don't recycle.
And...I don't drink Pabst.
I'm too mainstream.
I know there are strategically warped-out pictures of you on Facebook doing cool shit--you know, like sitting in a field, or front row at some obscure concert. Damn, I wish I did awesome things like you.
I spend way too much time not focusing on being individualistic.
My profile picture is of me, you know, half-smiling and shit. I should be doing something cool! I need cooler friends, which is why I'm trying to make one in you!
In fact, I was thinking about how I could impress you...so I went down to the local thrift shop and picked up a fedora and some thick-rimmed glasses! I bought a tweed jacket for shits and giggles. And now, voila, we're primed to be the best of friends!
But...well...I still didn't think I was non-conformist enough...
So I went down to the local cafe and bought some auspicious coffee drink of frothy goodness. Then I opened up my Macbook and started blogging about my feelings concerning our political crisis, and how children in Uganda need shoes so everyone should buy more TOMS.
Just in case I was missing something, I surfed Reddit for an hour.
I know I seem to be a bit obsessive, but I just want to be a nonconforming, obscure beer-drinking, indie music-listening individual so freakin bad!
I'm even in the process of fixing my bike as we speak! Yep, that stupid gas-guzzling piece of shit you may have seen last week has been scrapped. I've decided to become an earth-conscious individual, and so I pulled out the old fix-gear bike of mine. I put some skinny tires on her and everything, and by the time I install a leather saddle she'll be as good as new.
Sheesh, this shit's long. I hope I didn't take up too much of your time!
I know you're probably busy blurring the gender lines, and all that.
Come by sometime! We'll make something vegan.
Yours Truly,
The Conformist Next Door
Hello, and welcome to the neighborhood.
I was going to bake some cookies and go next door to greet you formally, but it appears nothing I'm wearing is organic. If we're going to be literal, the shirt on my back is 100% cotton--therefore, technically, organic--but I'm pretty sure it was manufactured in a warehouse with a bunch of other like shirts...and so I'm assuming that dethrones it's "organicism".
It's okay, I'm just going to write this letter to you in hopes that we can be friends. I'm kind of scared you won't like me, though. I occasionally listen to Greenday, and I don't recycle.
And...I don't drink Pabst.
I'm too mainstream.
I know there are strategically warped-out pictures of you on Facebook doing cool shit--you know, like sitting in a field, or front row at some obscure concert. Damn, I wish I did awesome things like you.
I spend way too much time not focusing on being individualistic.
My profile picture is of me, you know, half-smiling and shit. I should be doing something cool! I need cooler friends, which is why I'm trying to make one in you!
In fact, I was thinking about how I could impress you...so I went down to the local thrift shop and picked up a fedora and some thick-rimmed glasses! I bought a tweed jacket for shits and giggles. And now, voila, we're primed to be the best of friends!
But...well...I still didn't think I was non-conformist enough...
So I went down to the local cafe and bought some auspicious coffee drink of frothy goodness. Then I opened up my Macbook and started blogging about my feelings concerning our political crisis, and how children in Uganda need shoes so everyone should buy more TOMS.
Just in case I was missing something, I surfed Reddit for an hour.
I know I seem to be a bit obsessive, but I just want to be a nonconforming, obscure beer-drinking, indie music-listening individual so freakin bad!
I'm even in the process of fixing my bike as we speak! Yep, that stupid gas-guzzling piece of shit you may have seen last week has been scrapped. I've decided to become an earth-conscious individual, and so I pulled out the old fix-gear bike of mine. I put some skinny tires on her and everything, and by the time I install a leather saddle she'll be as good as new.
Sheesh, this shit's long. I hope I didn't take up too much of your time!
I know you're probably busy blurring the gender lines, and all that.
Come by sometime! We'll make something vegan.
Yours Truly,
The Conformist Next Door
